“Maybe I’m too picky” she said, in response to the question of whether she’d met any good guys lately. It got me wondering how many people have a similar attitude when they’re in a bit of a dry spell. Many I think.

But how much effort do we actually put into looking before we decide to drop our standards and settle for someone that just kind of barely makes the cut?

And what does this so-called ‘looking’ involve? Are we advertising our interest to potential bed-friends – are we actually making any moves? How often? Once? Twice?

If you’ve eliminated 50 or 100 potential partners without any hint of finding a match then yeah, maybe you are too picky; but it’s more likely just 1 or 2 that you’ve tried, right? Or none.

We’re quick to rationalise that our standards are too high because taking that road seems easier than the alternative – actually looking for someone that meets our standards. That would require effort. We’d have to step outside of our comfort zones. We’d have to talk to new people. We’d have to show people we’re interested, effectively putting our head on the chopping block of potential rejection… and that shit is scary. No one likes getting their head chopped off.
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Firstly, it’s not just women that can fake an orgasm.  Guys can too, and do, and our acting doesn’t have to be quite as convincing… it’s just a matter of hiding the evidence afterwards.  But this article isn’t a guide on how to fake an orgasm; it’s about why people fake it in the first place.

Hands up if you think you should be having an orgasm every time you have sex.  Now hands up if you do climax every time. I’m guessing there were less hands for the second question.

Where’d the idea come from that we should be reaching orgasm every time we bonk? I’ve heard this thinking from several confessed ‘fakers’.  The truth is that nobody orgasms every time and many people, especially women, rarely do. Some don’t at all, so why pretend to?

The thing I’ve learnt about lying is that we do it out of fear.   We choose to lie in order to run back to our comfort zone when the thing we’re lying about falls outside of it.  It feels safer that way; much less chance of getting hurt.

The alternative – honesty – leaves us vulnerable. If we step outside of our comfort zone and stay there we might land in a situation we don’t know how to handle.  We might fuck it up and we might get hurt as a result.
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